Monday, March 23, 2009

Livin' It

{If anyone from Veritas is reading this, sorry, it's a spoiler for Sunday and may get a little raw and real.}

I hate that God makes you live out a message before you teach it!

I will be teaching on John 11 when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. I am getting stuck on when Jesus says, "Didn't I tell you you'd see God's glory if you believe?" Which tells me, if I don't believe I don't get to see God's glory.

However, they had to endure Lazarus' death before they got to see God's glory.

I feel like I am in the "death" phase of seeing God's glory. I believe that He is still here and I hope I will see His glory more than I do now...someday...but for now, I have to deal with the death phase. Mary and Martha didn't KNOW that Jesus would come and raise their dear brother from the dead. They didn't know the end of the story. They simply knew that their brother was dead, and Jesus could have prevented that.

But He says that He did this on purpose so that people could see and believe in Him. But they had to endure pain and loss in order for people to believe in God.

Here's the vulnerable part. I am just having a really hard time with Tim's job and church. It hurts me that Tim has to work this job, spend so much time away from us, and still somehow make Veritas work into His schedule. I'm sad that he has to do this job right now. I'm sad we don't have much time together. I wonder why God is doing things this way. I don't like how He's chosen to write the story this way.

I am overwhelmed with church. I love Veritas so much and LOVE watching God work there, but I don't understand the road God has us on. I don't understand why we continue to struggle along each week. I don't know why we are still so small. I don't know why we struggle so hard for each step we take. I don't know why things are moving so slowly.

I don't know why it's taking so long to see God's glory. {Not that I haven't seen His glory along the way! I don't want that to come across. I have seen His hand and seen Him work in people and LOVE seeing that! But, it's just not the way I thought it would happen.}

I want so badly to have a greater impact on our community. I want so badly for people I know and care about to love and follow God! I want so badly for people I don't know yet to love and follow God! I want Veritas to be a FORCE in this area! I want God to get so much glory you can't even see anything but HIM in this area!
But I feel like we're in the death phase, waiting for Jesus to come. I don't feel like Veritas is dead!!! But I feel like we're waiting for Jesus to come and perform His miracle and get more glory!!!

I've never been good at waiting!

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