I haven't written much lately. I'm kinda in a place where SO much is going on in my life and in my head, but I don't know what to share. So, I've opted to not share anything. We'll see if that was the right way to go.
So, at the moment EVERYTHING in my life is being thrown on the table. I have NO idea what the future holds and am terrified by that. But I have been working hard to spend more time praying about it. And praying more (in my opinion and research) correctly. This has been an interesting exercise.
So, I just got off the phone with my mom and my step-father went to the ER at work today. He fell at work on the dock a couple days ago and since has had a hard time breathing at night without pain. So, today at work it was so bad he had to take himself to the ER. We were thinking maybe he bruised or, worse yet, fractured a rib.
Well, it's worse. They found a blood clot in his lung. I don't know much about blood clots, but in my limited knowledge it seems like this is only SLIGHTLY less serious than a blood clot in the brain. The ER told him that if he hadn't come in tonight he could have died.
I am blown away. This is really not what our family needs right now. And, that is such a stupid sentence...N O family would ever need or want this! There is just so much going on.
But, as I'm praying, God is challenging me to pray not just for healing, but for GOD'S will. I am reminded of Job. When he was going through his "hell" God was not doing all this TO him, he was allowing it because there was a higher purpose. There was a bigger reason. It was a teaching time. It was a time to show up Satan.
And God was not absent. God knew what was going on. He cared. He still loved Job.
I need to remember that. God is not doing all this TO me. He is with me. I need to stay focused on His promises. I need to stay focused on wanting to do my part to bring His Kingdom to this earth.
This may sound like a cop out. I think that sometimes when I hear others say that. But for me, in this phase of my life, it's deep. It's challenging. It's changing the way I pray. I am trying to stay focused on the right things, because it is W A Y too easy to let the worries of this world and thoughts that are not true and not focused where they should be consume me. And drown me.